Not Enough

They say that if you give it your all, that you will never regret. But is that really true? What if your all isn't enough. What if all that effort you put in ends up not mattering? How is that any different than if you had put in no effort? Just because you can tell yourself that you tried your best, doesn't change the outcome. To me that's just an excuse, a cop-out, a way to ignore the past. It's frustrating and shameful. It creates fears and doubts. What if I'm really not good enough? What if all the time I spent on something ends up being meaningless?

Mr. Spiegelman understands. He too has been there and has doubted himself. His own father looked down upon him. Art's unwillingness to help him with the roof, his poor choice in coats, his overpaying for a tape recorder, his stubbornness and defiant nature, are all things that make him "flawed". It doesn't matter that Art became a successful author. It doesn't matter that he's the first to win the Pulitzer Prize for a graphic novel. It does not matter. What does matter is that he wasn't in the Holocaust. Art is not Richieu. That's all that matters. So long as that fact remains, he can never be equal. In his father's eyes, he will always be less than Richieu. 

"No matter what I accomplish, it doesn't seem like much compared to surviving Auschwitz".

Life isn't always beautiful. It can be painful, upsetting, and frustrating. Sometimes life throws obstacles in your path, and you get knocked over. To remember the mistakes of the past is not something anyone really desires. I can't help but wonder what his life was like when he was making Maus. Was it painful? Did it hurt? Surely if I look up some of his interviews I can find the exact answer. But... after some thought, I realize that that isn't necessary. He has already told me what I needed to know. His feelings are right here, carefully crafted into every frame and every page, right here in front of my eyes. 

We cannot escape the past, just as we cannot escape the present. To move forward, we cannot stay stuck in the past... But to truly move forward, we must also always remember.